When I got your email, I was like oh my god, this is what she needs. You need to stop holding in your chest. Sometimes we don't listen, or can't listen, and so life has to knock the answer into us.
She says with a smile, talking about my fractured rib.
This is your chance to find a new way to move.
Interesting, I'd never thought of it like that. The silver lining was never my strong point, but honestly, I'm not even upset about this. I mean, okay, it sucks. Breathing, sneezing, coughing, laughing, twisting, rolling, partnering, lifting...it all hurts. But, the good news is that I can't hurt myself. It's just pain. I can do that. If I can dance, I can do the pain.
So that's where I've been for a week. One fractured rib, a lot of fears, some relief, finding new ways to move and avoid the pain while attempting to assure everyone that I'm okay. Piece of cake...
I would improv right now, I'm so in the mindset, but the living room has recently become Paul's "bedroom"and is covered in unavoidable, sweaty clothes right where I usually dance. I don't necessarily feel inclined to move them.
You are an exceptional dancer. I loved watching your passion and joy exude every time you took the stage.
Nothing but compliments, Michael. Still. Although, we did laugh. The artistic director of Chunky Move stressed the importance of clear spacing when things get fast and chaotic in dance to avoid collisions. Maybe next time...=)
Love Junkie isn't over. Maybe this is the new theme of my life...the dances I'm really invested in don't end for me. The ones that touch my heart are there to support me for a long time after they've seen and left the stage.
I went out with my roommates and a couple of friends last night for the first time in a long time, and Ryan was trying to set me up. Weird thing is, I'm not sure that would normally fly for me, but I was excited to meet the friend and just talk. Not sure I could let anything come of it, but talking to him couldn't hurt....and then he didn't show. Oh well. Then talking to Lynnia - which for some reason, I've never really felt comfortable talking to Lynnia about guys. It's stupid. I need to get over it and I'm starting to. I think I'm just terrified of her finding out what a mess I really am, as if she doesn't already know, especially since she's got it together and I'm supposedly this mini-version of her. So...talking to Lynnia, and feeling so much better about where I am. One more supporting "It's not your fault." The validation that I'm okay, and for the first time ever, I'm just taking time to focus on me, and that's a good thing. But, I'm also probably ready to find someone. Being alone is getting old. The problem is, I don't want the random DJ she was trying to get me to talk to. I'm looking for something specific. I have no idea what or who it is, but I know that I don't want anything meaningless again. I want to be settled, and happy. The couples on the subway drive me nuts. The way he looks at her when she's not looking, her smile as she becomes a child again looking in his eyes...I remember that. I forget that I'd had that. And I'm convinced I can have that. Just going to take finding him...or rather, him finding me.
...good luck, sir.
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