Well, I got the scholarship...so here I am, embarking on a brand new journey - one that I am becoming increasingly excited about. I just met with my composer, Kento Watanabe, yesterday, and the amount of new and exciting things the two of us discussed is both overwhelming and brilliant.
I'm not sure that I want to give all of the details concerning what we are working with, but it is coming from an extremely raw and vulnerable place. We're going unedited here. Letting things flow as they need to, as they probably should, and hoping that you'll understand. Or maybe the point is that you won't. We'll have to see. But the point is, without a doubt, that you see and experience this, whatever it is or isn't.
So here it is, the beginnings. I haven't technically been given the go ahead to start the project, but I really needed to dance yesterday and figured, why not? This can be the precursor to my journal.
I had such a hard time yesterday. I was in a place of complete and total physical exhaustion. The kind of place where you're not really sure how you're going to wiggle your toes, much less give a full performance. Well, I did it, as we always do no matter how our bodies are feeling. I coped with a costume that made me feel like I had no place to turn my head, ever, and the quickest change of my life that left my hair looking ridiculous and I got through it. I got through it only to hear at the end that I was dancing in my shoulders and I needed to drop my weight down. No "good job." Just more of the same correction that I've been getting for weeks. The same correction I want nothing more than to fix. And furthermore, the same correction on a solo I've been perfecting since August. Talk about frustration. So, I marched to the stage and ran through it, three more times. It felt so much better without that costume on, but he wasn't there to watch me and I am so far beyond silly excuses at this point. I need to just figure it out. Packed my stuff, ready to go. Walking out the doors, and of course, there stood the unmentionable, and he all but looked right through me. I don't know if that's better or worse than the alternative. But, I was assuredly a mess and everyone was staring at me. If I could run away, that would be best, but in the meantime...dance. That's all I could think of.
This is what came of last night. There's a lot of walking, but I don't apologize for it. It's improv and this is what I needed. This is how I can talk to you.
