Well. This sucks. And I knew it would happen. Lord help the first person to look at me with the "We told you so," eyes. I told me so too. Obviously, that went real far.
Here I am. Skipped class under the impression that I'd be going to brunch. I actually got excited to go. And now I'm drinking the same coffee and eating the same oatmeal as always. Stupid. And I need a rest - my left foot is bruised terribly, the bones in my right foot are definitely not in the right place and the last straw to my week from Hell was just handed to me. Despite all of that, I can't stand that I'm sitting here, writing this instead of discussing our book and improving with my friends. Dumb move.
It's funny when you have a strong connection with someone, how you can just feel the shift in things, before they're even in the same area code as you. That has happened to me a lot in the past six months. I always know how it is before I've even seen the person. And the frustrating thing is, it doesn't seem to matter what I think or feel about a situation. Every time, their opinion is the one that is acted on and mine falls to the wayside. Even if all I want is an explanation and in the past I was dragged into something much riskier and demanding and given no choice.
I gave things up for it. And this is what you do. I look like a fool on so many levels, it's not even funny.
So, I'm sorry, new friend with the incredible smile, but I've given up - maybe that strengthens his win, but I don't care. I'm not doing this again. Maybe it's not where you're heading but I think it might be. Maybe in a different life, where I'd been taught different rules to the game, but the ones I know are successfully deterring me from playing.
I am sorry for jumping when you touched my leg, though. I don't know why that startled me, aside from my head being in a very, very different place when you walked up to hug me and being shocked by the laughter and smile I, myself gave you.
That's when I knew my night wasn't going to go as planned. There's a reason I keep running into you.
But none of it matters because again, here I sit. Not sad but angry. I didn't even deserve a normal conversation. That was the biggest slap in the face. Don't think I couldn't tell. You talked to everyone just like you, but with me, you were something else and that's not fair.
So karaoke tonight? I think not. I have a gym to tear apart, an outline to organize and maybe a studio to fall asleep in. I'm not wasting any more time.
So you're like me? You don't have a weekend. Well, good. Keep working hard. It will all pay off.
See, and there's the confusing thing Mr. "40 minutes." First of all, you compared us and came to the conclusion that we're alike, even though you're clearly perfect and I'm clearly anything but, and secondly, am I supposed to live as a human being or not?
As soon as I figure out the internet, I have a bunch of videos to upload. I told you all this wasn't over.
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