Nothing ever ends

I've learned that...if nothing else.


A lot's happened in the past few days - 


I was told I disappeared on stage next to such a great performer, probably because I can't drop my weight.


I failed to be a crocodile, but I don't want to be a crocodile, I'd rather be an elephant but I can't make an elephant sound louder than the rest of you can make the obvious sounds.


I stressed about what animal I should actually be and the consensus is a kangaroo, which I can actually make that noise so that's good. 


I freaked my mom out because she made the mistake of telling me that I'm bigger now than I was when everyone thought I'd stopped eating.


Alice pointed out a lot of things to me. But mainly, I just wish I had a rabbit hole to fall down.


I had to take class from the man who nearly ruined me and you know what, he very well still could. 


I can't dance. I feel trapped. Caged with fear.


I don't know how to dance about love because I don't know if I've ever been given the chance to experience it in a fair way, and I've got less than a month to figure out how to feel beautiful on that stage for him.


I lost my closest friend in my final process. How can that happen? Why?


And the cherry on top, this is when you're coming back. I'm not even sure if I'm included in seeing you at this point.


But if everything you wrote was what I think it was, you should know what I've learned.